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[souldeterminant]

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[Text: post conversation]

[achievementhunter]

I hope his is what you wanted, to prov me right.

Becasd i dint

[27th continued]

[achievementhunter]

You know, everyone keeps throwing it at me, like it's supposed to prove something wonderful and amazing.

The Game has changed. It's all different now, right? Because none of us have to die, and no one has to lose, and no one's on the bad guy's side, so really, we're all doing swell.

Except for some reason, the Game never changes enough, does it? There's a perquisite.

[achievementhunter]

You have to die.

You always have to die. And heaven forbid anyone else consider dying for you, or you hurt someone. Heaven forbid you be allowed to protect yourself with more than a gentle pat to the enemy because there there, WE'RE the demons here, aren't we Partner? We asked for this. It's okay for people to laugh away the very concept of taking responsibility for "almost" killing us, because well, who hasn't?

[achievementhunter]

I'm so glad everyone thought slapping a few band-aids in their ribcage was enough to fix all of this.

Because it proves the point, doesn't it? They'll never change. And they can all go back to their pretty little timelines, where everything is sunshine and buttercups, and I'll go back to mine.

And I will never stop until I've torn my way straight to theirs.

[achievementhunter]

Then we'll see how much the Game has changed.

[...]

[achievementhunter]

What wold yuo do

[May 1st]

[achievementhunter]

So you're not back.

And I suppose I didn't expect you to be. It's not like you're actually dead, are you? Not really. Not in the way we're used to.

There's not a lot of you to come back with, is there?

[achievementhunter]

It's something we can chat about when you do, if you do. A new, fun, shared experience. I wonder if it's the same. I wonder if, to you, it will simply be as if no time has passed at all, since your SOUL was ripped from your body. I am inclined to believe so. There's no research into this, of course. What would monsters care, when it comes to the SOULs they absorb? There is a great amount of theory that appears to be incorrect in practice.

[achievementhunter]

But if you asked me of my own recollections, from that point until you, my answer would have been- nothing. There was no time, between one moment and the next. Just the sensation of waking up after a terribly long sleep.

Not that you ever had to ask.

[achievementhunter]

How old am I, really? Did I ever tell you that I wonder about that? I do.

I think about that question all the time. And in the same breath, I know there will never be an answer. It's impossible to even hazard a guess, now.

So eleven will have to do. Like you. Like him.

At least it's an answer.

[May 2nd]

[achievementhunter]

Good morning.

[achievementhunter]

Or not, really. I'm inclined to believe there's no such thing, but there you are. What would I know, really? You certainly seem to think otherwise.

I am going to attempt to knit, today. Of course, you've already seen the masterpiece I'd created back Home. Give or take a few months- perhaps I'll create something better.

I wonder if "Mrs. Dreemom" will get the message across to some people?

[achievementhunter]

Possibly not, however. I don't suppose I'd be able to convince her to wear anything akin to that. Hard to love a man who's responsible for so much child slaughter, isn't it?

"Queen Mom" it is, then. Don't spoil the surprise for her, will you.

[May 2nd- Late evening]

[achievementhunter]

If I have one good memory of the Surface, it's a book.

[achievementhunter]

You know which one I mean, of course. The one I started reading to you before. Kitchen. I remember the copy I had was missing a few pages; I'd read it so many times that it was falling apart. I never found a copy in the Underground.

[achievementhunter]

It has become more pertinent than ever, since the last time I held a copy.

If I had to choose a quote for right now, however, I believe the following is far too suitable.

[achievementhunter]

"The two of us may be in the epicenter of death, but I was hoping to spare you this misery.

It could be like this for as long as we stay together."

[achievementhunter]

See you tomorrow, maybe.

I hope so.

[May 4--late evening]

[achievementhunter]

You'll be pleased to know that I've spoken with him. He's had 'a change of heart', to an extent. The game has changed. He has plenty of new pieces on the board to play with.

I wonder how many of them will break him? Not that there's much to break.

[achievementhunter]

I shouldn't have hesitated. It would be so much easier, if I simply took care of the problem. Tedious, but so much easier.

That's gardening for you.

[MAY 5--extremely early morning]

[achievementhunter]

I've considered it a few times.

What if I didn't text him.

cw: suicidal ideation

[achievementhunter]

I know I didn't do it for my sake. As much as she's a part of this, I didn't really do it for her, either. And the rest of them?

No. But in that moment, I suppose, the one thought that crossed my mind was

What would you do?

[achievementhunter]

It would have been so easy.

No one was looking for me. And it would have been something, perhaps. To just stop. Still only temporary, but more than a second. Twenty-four hours or so, gone in the blink of an eye.

Dealing with him makes me sick.

[achievementhunter]

Even if I had, I still would've had to deal with him, of course. Nothing would have changed. And he'd do the same as he did back then; not listen. He said I was the only one who understood him.

I'm beginning to understand how he was capable of dismissing me with the same breath. I do not think he was ever really capable of care. Perhaps this is who he really was, all that time.

Or perhaps I'm just trying to give myself a little less credit for what's here now.

[achievementhunter]

Would 24 hours really be too much to ask for? I realize that it changes nothing- it's pointless.

But if not for you, I would already have had that. My 24 hours.

One day soon, I hope I get the chance to re-explore the concept. Next time, I won't call for help.