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[souldeterminant]

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[achievementhunter]

How old am I, really? Did I ever tell you that I wonder about that? I do.

I think about that question all the time. And in the same breath, I know there will never be an answer. It's impossible to even hazard a guess, now.

So eleven will have to do. Like you. Like him.

At least it's an answer.

[May 2nd]

[achievementhunter]

Good morning.

[achievementhunter]

Or not, really. I'm inclined to believe there's no such thing, but there you are. What would I know, really? You certainly seem to think otherwise.

I am going to attempt to knit, today. Of course, you've already seen the masterpiece I'd created back Home. Give or take a few months- perhaps I'll create something better.

I wonder if "Mrs. Dreemom" will get the message across to some people?

[achievementhunter]

Possibly not, however. I don't suppose I'd be able to convince her to wear anything akin to that. Hard to love a man who's responsible for so much child slaughter, isn't it?

"Queen Mom" it is, then. Don't spoil the surprise for her, will you.

[May 2nd- Late evening]

[achievementhunter]

If I have one good memory of the Surface, it's a book.

[achievementhunter]

You know which one I mean, of course. The one I started reading to you before. Kitchen. I remember the copy I had was missing a few pages; I'd read it so many times that it was falling apart. I never found a copy in the Underground.

[achievementhunter]

It has become more pertinent than ever, since the last time I held a copy.

If I had to choose a quote for right now, however, I believe the following is far too suitable.

[achievementhunter]

"The two of us may be in the epicenter of death, but I was hoping to spare you this misery.

It could be like this for as long as we stay together."

[achievementhunter]

See you tomorrow, maybe.

I hope so.

[May 4--late evening]

[achievementhunter]

You'll be pleased to know that I've spoken with him. He's had 'a change of heart', to an extent. The game has changed. He has plenty of new pieces on the board to play with.

I wonder how many of them will break him? Not that there's much to break.

[achievementhunter]

I shouldn't have hesitated. It would be so much easier, if I simply took care of the problem. Tedious, but so much easier.

That's gardening for you.

[MAY 5--extremely early morning]

[achievementhunter]

I've considered it a few times.

What if I didn't text him.

cw: suicidal ideation

[achievementhunter]

I know I didn't do it for my sake. As much as she's a part of this, I didn't really do it for her, either. And the rest of them?

No. But in that moment, I suppose, the one thought that crossed my mind was

What would you do?

[achievementhunter]

It would have been so easy.

No one was looking for me. And it would have been something, perhaps. To just stop. Still only temporary, but more than a second. Twenty-four hours or so, gone in the blink of an eye.

Dealing with him makes me sick.

[achievementhunter]

Even if I had, I still would've had to deal with him, of course. Nothing would have changed. And he'd do the same as he did back then; not listen. He said I was the only one who understood him.

I'm beginning to understand how he was capable of dismissing me with the same breath. I do not think he was ever really capable of care. Perhaps this is who he really was, all that time.

Or perhaps I'm just trying to give myself a little less credit for what's here now.

[achievementhunter]

Would 24 hours really be too much to ask for? I realize that it changes nothing- it's pointless.

But if not for you, I would already have had that. My 24 hours.

One day soon, I hope I get the chance to re-explore the concept. Next time, I won't call for help.

[achievementhunter]

Try not to worry yourself too much, wherever you are. I'm taking care of them.

But I'm hardly as equipped for this as you are, so maybe returning soon would be a good concept to explore in itself, Partner.

[May 5- evening]

[achievementhunter]

Good night, Partner.

[May 6]

[achievementhunter]

Apparently, being fatally poisoned makes one very popular.

Golly, what will I ever do with all these visitors? I believe I shall have to snap at one of them eventually, simply for the satisfaction of watching them hold their tongue for "the poor invalid".

[achievementhunter]

It's not doing me any good to be restrained to a bed for so long. I'm beginning to feel my entire body itch.

Were I in that poor health, surely I would have expired already.

[achievementhunter]

I'm not enjoying this. Perhaps you would; I doubt anyone's ever attempted to coddle you, however

Sitting still gives little option for anything but being lost in one's mind.

Needless to say, it's not a place I wish to be. Ever.

[May 7]

[achievementhunter]

I'd like to know how we ended up the way we did.

By all accounts, it shouldn't be feasible. We're both human; humans cannot absorb another human's SOUL, is that not the way it is supposed to be? In such a case, what is it that made us the exception? Were we simply similar enough in our defining traits? Was it our Determination?

Why was I still there to begin with? That is another question I suppose we will never know. You did fall on my grave, which was very rude of you, by the by, but still.

What was I still doing there?

What am I still doing here?

How did we manage this?

[achievementhunter]

It boggles the mind to consider how little we truly know, and yet, monsters understand even less.

But if it had to be anyone, I am glad it was you.

[May 8]

[achievementhunter]

Hope is such a curious thing, is it not?

For monsters, it has such a different meaning. To them, hope is everything and anything. The chance of a better tomorrow. A loved one. A sliver of a good person, that we could be. The chance to make something worthwhile.

I suppose you'd say that most humans are geared that way as well, but I am inclined to disagree.

[achievementhunter]

I spoke with Maka, today. Your name never entered the conversation. Your name never enters any conversation.

I'm starting to think that perhaps, they're all under the impression I'll forget, given enough time. That you existed. Or perhaps they'd all like to forget, now that they've all done their very best to wish you well on your "vacation".